Perfect Christmas present: a born-again virgin

Christmas is about the Virgin Birth. For those of us not lucky enough to have been blessed by the Angel of the Lord and wanting a second chance, there’s the artificial hymen. A bargain at just US$14.99 (or Suggest Your Price).

The product has so many advantages. It comes in discreet packaging — “Your Mum Will Never Know” promises the web site. “When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable.” The site is careful to remind us that there are lots of reasons besides rolling in the hay that a hymen may be broken. Among them “Childhood accident (Hard object)”. Hmmmm. The best news is that it comes in a two-pack. So Merry Christmas AND Happy New Year everyone.

Thanks to Broadsheet for this gem.

This post was published on 21/12/08 in Good sex and bad, Pisani's picks.

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  1. Comment by Rona, 21/12/08, 10:36:

    On the upside, it’s better than the (in my opinion utterly appalling unless a woman’s life is at risk… in which case it’s still appalling, but justifiable) hymen restoration “revirginification” surgery.

  2. Comment by Daniel Reeders, 23/12/08, 12:58:

    Hi Elizabeth,

    This post reminded me of ABSTINENCE! brand condoms produced by Midwest Teen Sex Show… and that reminded me of their fundraising drive… *poke*


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