11/08/12

I will never use a condom

I learned this today from a subscriber to the Asian gay website Fridae, who was irritated by my tone in an post-midnight interview with Ng Yi-Sheng, a fabulous Singaporean poet. I am more than willing to accept that being snarky about other people’s sex lives is an irritant. But I’m not sure how it leads to this:

I’ve never had to fumble lubily with a condom packet, huh? The potential assumptions about my behaviour are manifold. Here are some that occur to me:

1) I never use condoms
1a) because I’m a slob
1b) because I don’t have sex with people who have penises
1c) because I don’t have sex.

2) I never use lube
2a) because girls (I?) don’t need it even when they are in their late 40s
2b) because girls (I?) never have anal sex
2c) because I don’t have sex

3) Uniquely on the planet, I can always tell which side of a condom is out
(I refer Mr. Tereisias to p 208 of The Wisdom of Whores)

4) I don’t drink alcohol or take party drugs

All of these assumptions are wounding to the core. But it gets worse: not only do I not have boozy but protected sex with boys who might like lube: I NEVER WILL!

Perhaps I’m being over-sensitive because I’ve just put another birthday on the clock, but I’m crushed. Truly crushed. And bent on the sweet vengeance that comes with proving someone wrong on every count…

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This post was published on 11/08/12 in Science.

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9 comments

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  1. Comment by Tim Worstall, 11/08/12, 06:32:

    “And bent on the sweet vengeance that comes with proving someone wrong on every count…”

    Which would mean booze, recreational drugs and lubed and protected anal sex…….remind me which city you’re in again?

  2. Comment by Duck, 11/08/12, 08:55:

    Perhaps they assume it is the penis bearer who is always given the responsibility of condom wrangling.

  3. Comment by David, 12/08/12, 10:31:

    I fully support your cause for vengeance and would like to volunteer to have anal sex with you (with lube of course) while under the influence of drugs / alcohol in order to further that cause.

  4. Comment by elizabeth, 12/08/12, 01:35:

    @Tim & David. A bidding war? Tim wins because he clocked the “protected”…

  5. Comment by Daniel Reeders (@onekind), 13/08/12, 01:38:

    The comments on Fridae articles are famously nasty. I will own up to contributing to it, before I realised my presence wasn’t helping and removed myself from the site.

    Still, there’s a lot to get angry about. The writer who interviewed you also recently outed a poz gay Singaporean teenager on the site. The kid had declined to give him an interview. On the writer’s own account, the editor Sylvia Tan refused to take the kid’s face pic down, saying it would be a breach of journalistic protocol to do so. The impasse wasn’t resolved until Action for AIDS, the local HIV NGO, intervened.

  6. Comment by erick, 13/08/12, 08:07:

    i also make a comment in that article in fridae and i also saw the comment, what an embarrassment! u gave it all for the gay community and one of it gave such a respond is simply mindboggling.

    as a gay man i myself i’m sorry for him, even i don’t know that guy.

  7. Comment by wally, 16/08/12, 04:18:

    Sometimes it might be better NOT to respond (new birthday or not)

  8. Comment by Jonah, 16/08/12, 10:55:

    Pretty sure Duck is correct about what the assumption was.

  9. Comment by Ng Yi-Sheng, 09/09/12, 06:22:

    @Daniel Breeders: That outing was a colossal fuckup on my part, and I’ve apologised to him (he hasn’t accepted the apology). I assumed he was already out, because he used an unobscured photograph of himself on an HIV activist website based in Canada. He also used his real name (I assumed it was a pseudonym!).

    Anyhow, my current policy is to inform my interviewees about that fuckup before they agree to be featured on the site. That way they can make their own decisions about whether or not they can trust me.

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