I learned this today from a subscriber to the Asian gay website Fridae, who was irritated by my tone in an post-midnight interview with Ng Yi-Sheng, a fabulous Singaporean poet. I am more than willing to accept that being snarky about other people’s sex lives is an irritant. But I’m not sure how it leads to this:
I’ve never had to fumble lubily with a condom packet, huh? The potential assumptions about my behaviour are manifold. Here are some that occur to me:
1) I never use condoms
1a) because I’m a slob
1b) because I don’t have sex with people who have penises
1c) because I don’t have sex.
2) I never use lube
2a) because girls (I?) don’t need it even when they are in their late 40s
2b) because girls (I?) never have anal sex
2c) because I don’t have sex
3) Uniquely on the planet, I can always tell which side of a condom is out
(I refer Mr. Tereisias to p 208 of The Wisdom of Whores)
4) I don’t drink alcohol or take party drugs
All of these assumptions are wounding to the core. But it gets worse: not only do I not have boozy but protected sex with boys who might like lube: I NEVER WILL!
Perhaps I’m being over-sensitive because I’ve just put another birthday on the clock, but I’m crushed. Truly crushed. And bent on the sweet vengeance that comes with proving someone wrong on every count…