28/05/10

Troll of the Year Award: Am I a fungus or a Marxist?

I have several loyal readers whose comments regularly make me laugh: this, for example. And I almost never refuse a comment unless it’s trying to sell a cure for AIDS or the commentator is too much of a pussy to give an e-mail address.

But this one, from a fount of indignation calling Himself “Derrail”, deserves its own post. The grammar alone will make you laugh. And the unwitting insights:

YOUR A FUNGUS AN EPIDEMIC AND OUTBREAKING SHOW OFF

Mental illness is an odd thing, isn’t it? By turns worrying: (YOUR A PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHY WOMEN SHOULD NEVER BE FREE TO ROAM AND SPEAK OUT IN THE PUBLIC ARENA) and amusing (YOUR FATHER FOR WHATEVER REASON REFUSED TO CHERISH YOU OR ELSE YOUR A MARX’S).

The toxic whole, sent in response to a post about sex worker legislation in Illinois, is after the jump. Prizes for the best response.

If you’d like to copy your response to Derrail, he gives his email address as UG_FC@YAHOO.COM

HELLO, I JUST CAUGHT WIND OF THIS YOU WROTE. I KNOW THE LAW IN ILLINOIS IS A FIRST STEP IN CRACKING DOWN WHOREDOM. IN THE LAW OF GOD IT IS FORBIDDEN FOR FATHERS TO WHORE OUT THEIR DAUGHTERS SAYING THE WHOLE WORLD BE GIVEN OVER TO IT WHOREDOM. AND INDEED YOU PRETTY MUCH MANIFESTED THAT POINT YOU AND YOUR SISTERS. THE UNDERLINE ISSUE IS GOD IS AGAINST YOU SUBHUMAN BEINGS. THEREFORE THE WRATH OF GOD IS BEING REVEALED FROM HEAVEN. YOU DO MAKE A VERY GOOD POINT. WHICH IS THE MORE A MAN OR WOMAN LISTENS TO YOU YOUR WORDS BEGIN WINDING THEM DOWN. AS THE WINDS FROM YOUR TONGUE UNLEASH VOLCANO AFTER VOLCANO.

YOUR A PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHY WOMEN SHOULD NEVER BE FREE TO ROAM AND SPEAK OUT IN THE PUBLIC ARENA. YOU PLAY ON SYMPATHY WHICH IS YOUR ERROR. INSTEAD OF JUST DYING! IF YOU DIDN’T COMMIT FORNICATION NONE OF THIS WOULD ENSUE YOU. THEREFORE THE LAW IS AGAINST US ALL SAYING IF YOU DO SO YOU’LL SURELY DIE.

YOUR FATHER FOR WHATEVER REASON REFUSED TO CHERISH YOU OR ELSE YOUR A MARX’S OR EVEN AN ORPHANE. BUT HOE’S ARE PECULIAR THERE AIN’T NO LIMIT TO WHAT YOU’LL DO FOR MONEY. YOUR GREEDY AND YOU JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS ON THE DEPENDENCY OF FOOD.

BUT IF YOU ALL SUBMITTED TO GOD THEN THE PULPIT WOULD INDEED REVEAL UNTO YOU ALL PREPARATION “FASTING”. SO STOP HIDING BEHIND CURTAINS OF DECEIT. AND OWN UP TO THE TRUTH YOU DESPISE THE RULE OF OUR FATHER WHO IS GOD.

HERE IS YOUR VERDICT YOUR ALL ABOUNDING TO SHOWCASE THE EVIDENCE OF GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY, YOUR ALL INCLUDING YOU NEED NOT WORRY ABOUT EATING. FOR THESE THREE TRESPASSES YOUR ALL ABOUT TO DIE. YOU SOLICIT YOURSELVES, YOU ENHANCE THY WORTHLESSNESS,AND YOU BEAR FALSE WITNESS. THESE THREE EQUAL DEATH WATCH AND SEE SAITH JEHOVAH’S WITNESS DEATH I TELL!

IF INDEED YOUR WORTH WAS IN HARMONY WITH MY PRECEPTS I WOULD INDEED ENTREAT YOU TO DINE IN WITH ME. BUT I DID NOT SAY FOR YOU NOR DID I AT ALL APPOINT YOU JUDGES. YOUR A VAGRAINT LYING HYPOCRITE AND YOU KNOW IT. THEREFORE SAITH JEHOVAH I SHALL DO UNTO YOU AS YOU IMAGINED TO DO UNTO ALL MY INHABITANTS WITH THY TRIFLING SELF. YOU TRULY DO DISGUST ME AND I CAN’T STAND YOUR NASTY SELF SAITH THE LORD. NOTHING IS WORST THAN A SMELLY ONION SHOWBOATING.

YOUR A FUNGUS AN EPIDEMIC AND OUTBREAKING SHOW OFF. WHO HEARS VOICES ALL THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND INTO THE LATE NITE. SAYING HE’S GONNA COME AND GET YOU. REMINDING YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN OF ALL YOUR FORMER SINS AGAINST ME. SAYING GOD WILL FORGIVE ME GOD WILL UNDERSTAND. BUT YOU’VE MISTAKENLY MISUSED YOUR LAST HOPES OF GETTING INTO MY FAMILY SAITH JEHOVAH. I DON’T WANT YOU EVER SAITH JEHOVAH. I HAVE WATCHED YOU HURT ME AGAIN AND AGAIN. SAYING IF YOU FORGIVE ME I PROMISE TO NEVER DO IT AGAIN BUT YOU DIDN’T DID YOU EVEN LAST NIGHT. EXPECTING AND UNDRESSING FOR MANY OTHER NEW LOVERS I’M FINISHED WITH YOU SAITH JEHOVAH F I N I S H E D WATCH AND SEE ME DO THIS I AM THE LORD

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15 comments

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  1. Comment by Mario, 28/05/10, 11:27:

    Neither… You’re just an “OUTBREAKING SHOW OFF” 😛

    Do we really need to pay attention to such Idiots?

  2. Comment by Tim Worstall, 28/05/10, 12:07:

    Dear Mr. Derrail,

    Congratulations on your decision to study the Bible! Many billions over the centuries have found solace and comfort through understanding the Word of God and we hope that you too will find that such exegesis aids you in understanding your place in the universe.

    We would advise, however, that, as with other courses of study, you not make decisions until you have completed the book. Most especially, the outrageous plot twist that takes place around AD 30 in the timeline. God’s contract with his people, the covenant, changes markedly and from condemnation of both sin and sinner we are told that while we might hate the sin we should love the sinner.

    If you should for some reason want to skip to this Good Bit of the Good Book it starts at page 561 of the standard King James translation and publication. There are also a number of places where you can gather with others to explore the ramifications of this part of the book, experts who can aid you and even fellow readers with whom you can discuss this new found knowledge. In the technical jagon of our times these are known, respectively, as “churches”, “priests” and “Christians”.

    We all look forward to your joining us in the positive millenia!

  3. Comment by Muscleguy, 28/05/10, 12:42:

    Here is my verdict: you are an all abounding showcase of what happens when an education is trumped by religious beliefs which presumably include the belief that spelling, grammar and being able to express yourself clearly are secondary considerations to spewing bile at length while leaning on the shift key.

  4. Comment by Conor Meehan, 28/05/10, 12:57:

    Dear Mr. Derrail,

    Thank you for your interest in the work that is being done here to save Gods children. Unfortunately no one is available to answer your clearly logical and well informed comment. We hope you have enjoyed your venting and wish you good luck in your future career as misguided conduit to Jehovah. If you wish to know further ways to misrepresent your God, please mash the caps-lock key again.

    Saith,
    Conor

  5. Comment by mark zip, 28/05/10, 02:11:

    Neither. You are a “SMELLY ONION SHOWBOATING. That, by the way, might just be the best record never actually published. Possibly by a Grateful Dead tribute band?

  6. Comment by Cru, 28/05/10, 02:26:

    Never feed the trolls, most especially ones who can’t type without shouting.

    He’s correct on one point though – you are a bit of a show off – personally I’ve always considered that part of inestimable charm 🙂

  7. Comment by SocProf, 28/05/10, 06:37:

    The crazy is strong in this one. 🙂

  8. Comment by Em, 28/05/10, 07:06:

    Hi Elizabeth and readers,

    Ahhhh! A fundamental religious zealot strikes again. This rant reminds me of a story.

    So I was at work one day and a fundamental christian that I work with ‘proclaimed’ at the coffee table how much homosexuality disgusted him and how homosexuals were all going to ‘DIE’ in God’s judgment. I felt like dropping through a hole in the floor and I was really glad that none of the people at the table were homosexuals because talk about creating a hostile work environment.

    I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness (a little embarrassing to admit to that) so I’m very familiar with this kind of talk. It was so great to leave that ‘faith’ in my early 20s because for the first time I ridded myself of the weight of guilt and judgment. It is so much easier to just accept people for who they are (including their sexuality) and embrace their quirkiness.

    One further point about the comment that you posted from your biggest fan and also about fundamental religion. Obviously, one of this guys major problems with you is that you are a woman that does not know your place!!! I think this goes back to how phallocentric some religious groups can be. The systemic degradation of woman is something I’ve personally experienced as the wife of a very abusive (but very religious husband)! As one of the commenters pointed out, let’s use the bible for some good and not a battering ram.

    Cheers!!!!!

    P.S. I love your book and your blog.

  9. Comment by Caroline, 30/05/10, 04:59:

    It could be worse – at least if you’re a show-off, you’re an outbreaking one 🙂

    A definite example of how the freedom and anonymity of the internet have encouraged stupidity and anger without responsibility.

  10. Comment by elizabeth, 30/05/10, 01:45:

    Chris Blattman has got all competitive on me. He offers up this from his stock of unhinged comments, and I have to say it is a good entry.

    I am also pleased to report that my father (who falls firmly in the “don’t feed the trolls” camp) wrote to remind me that he does, indeed, cherish me. Which must mean I’m the only Marxist ever to have voted for Margaret Thatcher.

  11. Comment by sexgenderbody, 30/05/10, 04:05:

    This is a wonderful example of why people should read the warning labels on their prescription drugs. This troll is a clear example of the hazards of mixing Viagra, Rogaine and cheap beer.

    He’s full of self-hate with more than enough left over to blame everyone else for his bad decisions. He’s cowering in anonymous hatred.

    You’re brilliant, dedicated to making a positive mark in the world and have the strength plus the courage to act on your convictions in the face of resistance or difficulty.

  12. Comment by Anon, 04/06/10, 06:28:

    Hello. I come here after visiting RantingsbyMM. Whoredom or prostitution has been around since the creation of time. Back then, HIV was unheard of. Even STD come about not that long ago if you think about it in terms of how long this Earth or humanity has been around. The best treatment is safe sex. Young people should know that because somehow they get into a sexual relationship for reasons known only to them. And these young people have their own religions. So, for some people, religion cannot stop them from doing things at a wrong time.

  13. Comment by Carlos, 07/06/10, 03:29:

    What is really interesting is how religious people – I mean fundamentalist people – is the same wherever they are.

    No arguments, just “god, god, god”. Of course, after that they can just blame and “threaten” to hell.

    Funny -and dangerous people. I’m starting to think God is worse than drugs: it impairs thinking and poisons the soul.

  14. Comment by UnSubject, 08/06/10, 04:59:

    Caps lock is cruise control for cool, obviously. Interesting shift when the author starts making statements as though they were God / Jehovah.

  15. Comment by Bula, 09/06/10, 04:05:

    Best part “NOTHING IS WORST THAN A SMELLY ONION SHOWBOATING”

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