22/05/08

Chocolate Condoms for breakfast

Anyone out there going to the Hay Festival this weekend? Because I’m dashing to the Netherlands, I had to give up a nice, gentle mid-day spot on Bank Holiday Monday in favour of a talk on Sunday morning at 9. Mornings are not my best time of day, and Sunday mornings rarely creep in to my conscious life. I’m sure many of the bookworms at Hay are the same.

How to entice people to listen to a talk about sex, science, and a disease that’s killing 60 million people at 9 on a Sunday morning? By offering breakfast, obviously. Not having an oven handy, I can’t whip up pain au chocolat for all and sundry. But I solemnly undertake to bring lashings of chocolate flavoured condoms for anyone who comes to the talk. Just in case any homesick Southeast Asians show up, I’ll have durian flavoured condoms on offer, too.

Now there’s something worth getting out of bed for…

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This post was published on 22/05/08 in Condomania.

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  1. Comment by Candy Gourlay, 23/05/08, 01:28:

    durian flavoured … i’m a homesick southeast asian but never ever homesick for durian. highly recommended for chastity campaigners trying to put people off sex forever.

  2. Comment by Chris Green, 24/05/08, 03:11:

    Obviously I’m missing something, but it seems to me that we can only experience flavoured condoms if we indulge in oral sex – unless there’s something (else) about the female anatomy that I don’t understand.
    To me, if I want to get the durian flavour, I’d rather suck a durian-flavoured iced-lolly than a durian-flavoured penis. But if I am indulging in oral sex, what I want (among others) is ‘natural’ flavour (flesh, preferably clean), rather than the rather unpleasant (to me) combination of latex and lubricant – or durian. Is there really no demand for a flesh-flavoured condom, or would it be too difficult to produce or to promote?

  3. Comment by Lee Rudolph, 24/05/08, 12:03:

    “But if I am indulging in oral sex, what I want (among others) is ‘natural’ flavour (flesh, preferably clean)”

    I think (hope) you mean ‘skin’, not ‘flesh’. That minor point aside, your plan is brilliant. As to whether it would “be too difficult to produce or to promote”, I am guessing that neither is so–the world has simply been waiting for someone (you) to come along and think outside the box. As it were.

    In fact, there is a long and honorable tradition of jokes on this theme (documented by the late Gershon Legman in his magesterial _Rationale of the Dirty Joke_), which shows that the idea has arisen before, but also that (at least if we adopt Legman’s post-Freudian perspective) it aroused anxiety that had to be deflected by joking, so as to prevent any other action.

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