When I was working on the manuscript of The Wisdom of Whores, I got my knickers in a twist about what to call a girl’s nether regions. In Britain, “fanny” is a nice, friendly word, but in the States fanny means arse. So I asked a couple of American friends what friendly word they used for their vaginas. I had several offers of pussy, before everyone conceded that pussy was more vulgar than friendly. I had a couple of bids for snatch, but I wasn’t convinced. (I preferred the contribution of a Thai acquaintance: “my little sister”.)
But the Australians have solved the problem. An ad agency working for Kotex (a “feminine hygiene” company, talking of unfriendly euphemisms), has come up with this 30 second spot:
Not everyone likes it, but it works for me. Not least because it reminds me of a time when I was coming to the end of a long and exhausting study which had kept me in gay clubs and cruising parks every night for about three months. I texted a rather straight banker friend: “Desperate for heterosexual company. You around this weekend?” To which I got this enthusiastic reply: “Sure, come for brunch on Sunday. Bring your electric beaver.” The poor boy wanted to whip up a souffle rather than my wrath. Readers with Nokia phones beware of this banana skin of predictive text.
